"I'm proud to have made it"! Daniel Masch is trans and has given birth to a son. A conversation about birth preparation courses, postponed transition and loyalty to one's own body.

 "I'm proud to have made it"

Daniel Masch is trans and has given birth to a son. A conversation about birth preparation courses, postponed transition and loyalty to one's own body.

Daniel Masch is sitting at his desk in his living room, dark wooden beams can be seen on the ceiling. The house in which he lives with his husband and son is almost 500 years old. During the conversation he chews celery stalks every now and then, and people laugh a lot. If he wants to emphasize something, he bends over and speaks directly into the camera. With "No, rabbit, not now" he switches off his cell phone at the beginning of the conversation. He always speaks to his devices, he apologizes.

taz am weekend: Mr. Masch, I find it difficult to write about “people with uterus”, as some readers ask. Why would it be good to do that?

Daniel Masch: In addition to women, there are also others who can give birth to children or have an abortion, namely trans, non-binary and intersex people. There is a lot of anger and pain behind such a demand because people had to be forcibly sterilized until 2011 if they wanted their correct gender to be entered in their passports. Some of these are still of “childbearing” age - or they would like to have children with their stem cells. In addition, most people assume that trans people don't want children, all have surgery and have no sexuality because they are so ashamed of their bodies. That is why we want more visibility and therefore the request: Write “pregnant people” from time to time.

You gave birth to a child in 2015 - are you a person with a uterus?

I don't call myself that. Back then it was easier for me to say that my child is in my stomach. I found it really exciting to be pregnant and that my body can do that, but I don't always want to get rubbed in my face that a child is in my "female" organs.

But being pregnant was okay?

I dealt with it pragmatically and used what I had available. Other trans men often tell me that they couldn't. I am proud and very happy that I made it. As a result of the pregnancy, I now have a better relationship with my anatomy than before.

In what way?

Before, the body would say once a month with the menstrual period: “Yes, you have to deal with me and you cannot rationalize me away, you are a girl!” That was very stressful for me. And then my anatomy made pregnancy possible and I had such a great child. That's why I didn't want to have the mastectomy - i.e. the removal of the breasts - removed from the uterus and ovaries right after weaning. I have felt a loyalty to them. They are part of me, at least as long as I don't want to have sex reassignment surgery.

Didn't take testosterone before pregnancy?

No. When I found out about the transition twelve years ago, it was said: "Wait with the hormones, otherwise you will harm the child if you want one."

You said earlier, "I did it". Did you feel uncomfortable during pregnancy?

I was totally knocked out for the first five months and had to keep working. And I was extremely weak, always dizzy.

Sounds like normal pregnancy symptoms.

Yes, but I underestimated what that does to my psyche.

Because completely different hormones are produced during pregnancy?

Endless female hormones! My body went completely in the wrong direction once. My transition had to wait and be postponed until this child was there.

You were recognized as a man even without hormones?

I wore ties with which I tied my chest, was out everywhere and worked as Daniel Masch. But when I look at photos today, I can see a big difference.

Did you feel better after the first five months?

In the end, yes, at this time that other pregnant women often experience as really stressful, this fat belly time, I felt great. I think it was because I stopped working and didn't have so much out of it. I was looked at less and could do my thing at home. In my environment it was clear, "this is Daniel and he is pregnant now".

Have you been to a antenatal class?

No. I had spoken to a lesbian couple, even they were put off, because in these courses there was always talk of “the women” and “the men”. I then called several course leaders and asked: Can you manage to say, “The pregnant women do this and the non-pregnant women do that”, because otherwise you trigger my dysphoria every time, but they all said: “We cannot do that. “I would probably have needed the preparation more urgently than others.

How was the birth

It took four days.

A caesarean section?

No! I was so proud. In the end we had a midwife who was very experienced and super sensitive, without having dealt with trans in advance, that was new for everyone in the maternity ward. At some point they started preparing for the caesarean section because the child was stressed and did not get enough oxygen. So I asked her: “Let me calm down my child!” We had a very close relationship during pregnancy. I then patted his stomach and talked to him. Then the midwife measured the oxygen saturation in his blood again and said that she hadn't expected that, but it had gotten better and if I wanted to get it normally, then now.

Was your trans identity topic in the clinic?

There was a midwife who thought she could distract me by asking flat questions about my biography. "How did you know that you were trans?" For example. So I thought: As long as you are here, I will not have a child here. In the clinic, a person approached me because they wondered if they had a trans identity. I did a trans counseling while in labor. I used to think when one in 200 people is trans: where are they all? Today I think: where are they not? You'd like to have your child, bang, someone again.

There are people who think it's a fad.

No, trans just becomes more visible. My mother, for example, is super open, loving and enlightened, but she didn't think about trans at the time. I don't either. I always wanted to be seen as a boy, but I'm not Generation Google, I thought I was the only one. So I overcompensated, I am resigned to my assigned gender. I didn't have a single pair of pants in the closet and I had long hair. In my mid-twenties I met a trans woman. She said to me: "But you already know that there are also trans men?"

Have you always wanted to be a father?

I always thought children were cool, but I had ruled that out because my horizons had to expand first. The idea of ​​becoming a mother was not right for me, I never wanted that. I don't feel a part of this group today either. When I learned that I can of course have children without becoming a mother, it was immediately a very nice idea for me.

You waited with your transition until the child arrived. Then you postponed it again because you were breastfeeding.

I knew this was best for my child. In the beginning it was difficult, we both had to learn it first. Breastfeeding is real work.

Yes, even with women it is often assumed that this is automatic ...

Exactly, and it really hurt! I respect people who do something like this more than once.

Did you still breastfeed for a year?

Yes. At first I thought: four months, then it's over. Then: six months is better. And then I noticed that he still needed it and that it was good for both of us.

And then you still decided to have the breasts removed immediately afterwards?

Not at all. I started taking hormones immediately after weaning, but I had to say goodbye to my breasts. Appreciation is very important to me, including myself. For me it was appreciative to say: You have given my child so much, I cannot have you removed immediately. Breastfeeding was nice, it bound us so much. I'm not saying that people who haven't breastfed don't bond well with their child. But it definitely meant that it took me three years to get it removed.

So you didn't want to have a second child either?

No, one thing is enough for me. I didn't have an easy pregnancy or an easy birth, and the dysphoria was on top of that. My husband would have liked to have the second child. Unfortunately, he's c sharp and can't.

Was he jealous?

No not that. He thought it was nice to see this relationship that our son and I had. That I already knew our child. Sure, he also laid on his hand and patted it once in a while, but that's something different than having it in your stomach and noticing every movement. I often talk about that with the little one. Having children is still a great miracle for all of us. And how many cis men would like to experience this, but cannot? I think that shouldn't be underestimated.

Do you know any other trans fathers?

I advise trans men and non-binary people who want to have children. Trans women too, but that's a different building site. And I know older trans people who have had children and later transitioned.

How is it for your son, is he confronted with your identity?

It is clear to him that I gave birth to him because I was the one who could do it. But in kindergarten other children attacked him so badly because he has no mother and nobody helped him. Children want to see what they know in others because that gives them security. The kindergarten should have responded to that, but it didn't. It would help everyone if it was made clear that individuality is allowed and desired. In every kindergarten there are colorful family models with children raised by their grandparents, there are single parents, blended families. It would be so nice to say: There is not only father, mother, two children and the collie.

Was that better in the crib?

It was great there. By the way, I wanted a childminder, but the only place we got was with a childminder.

Another man ...

Don't worry, a very good friend of mine was there a lot from the start, she is an important female caregiver for my son, whom he loves very much.

Did you have a lot of contact with other young parents in the first year?

No, unfortunately very little. In our circle of friends there were no children at all, that still happens very often to queer people. We tried to do this, but we found it difficult to become part of such parenting groups. That's why we were pretty lonely at first.

Does your son even ask about his mother?

No. I think he understood that the mothers are mostly the ones who have the children. And for him it is just the case that in our case I had the child.

I explained to my children that there are girls with a penis and boys with a vulva - without them having met a person who does. Do you think that's right?

I think it's good to say that the majority of girls don't have a penis - but that there is and that some want to keep the penis and others that it will transform. I think it's always good to show that people are diverse.

When I saw you on TV in March, it didn't get into my head that a man had given birth to a child. Something was wrong.

Not at all with me anymore. It's just a matter of habit. That is why it would be helpful to include in an article that not only women can have abortions, for example. Constant dripping wears away the stone - without overwhelming the reader.

Source code: https://taz.de/Trans-Vater-ueber-seine-Schwangerschaft/!5777440/